At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
