tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
