wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
whose parrot is this?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
