I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
