No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
