we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
