my sisters under your porch take her home
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
organizing the empties. That sober.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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