do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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