My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
