dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
