I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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