You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
