I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
