She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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