Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
