White coat. Heels.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
