there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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