Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
