You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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