Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
