This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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