i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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