Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
