my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
