sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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