I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just gift wrapped bread.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
