he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
