I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
