I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
there is glitter all over my balls
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
