So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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