OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I didn't notice because vodka
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
