I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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