Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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