Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
