Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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