I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
