Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I FOUND THE LEGS
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
