It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
