yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
