I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
