She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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