What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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