Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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