i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
