after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
