i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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