no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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