Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
