Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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