dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
